Plagued by thoughts of inadequacy…

I had a rough upbringing and needed help to keep my rage at bay. So, I’ve been meditating for years. I’ve done retreats, worked with teachers, practiced mindfulness and self-compassion. But somehow I still felt like I wasn’t measuring up and being the kind of person I was trying to become. I was always comparing myself to my teachers and other meditators I knew and still would feel mad a lot. I felt plagued by thoughts of inadequacy. That was the kind of shame I was aware of. It was like this background hum that wouldn’t go away, even with all the meditation practice. What surprised me about this course was how gentle it was. I thought because it was for men it might be more aggressive or pushy, but it wasn’t like that at all. The practices felt familiar in some ways. They were somatic, grounded, and were doing something to me that my meditation practice wasn’t reaching. I’m noticing I’m softer with myself. More compassionate. But really, I’ve been giving up on the idea that there is something wrong with me that needs to be fixed. I’m actually not needing compassion practice.  And I’m able to show up in my relationships with more openness instead of that guarded, protective thing I didn’t even realize I was doing. I’m grateful I found Rena and this unique, whole-system work. It’s hard to describe what it is, but it’s been the missing piece for me.