How enjoyable the melting of shame has been…

What surprises me most is how gentle and enjoyable the melting of shame has been. No pushing, no “gritting it out,” just creating the conditions for something softer and wiser to emerge.

Below is a written summary of a video conversation. Click here to view the entire conversation.

I honestly think it’s a miracle how much ease and curiosity I feel now. In the past you could not have gotten me to sit in front of a screen and talk like this. Even calling a store to ask their hours used to send me into a tizzy of panic and agonizing prep. Being heard or seen—on the phone, with peers, even with people I loved—felt excruciating, and I’d be hit with a harsh vulnerability hangover and self‑criticism afterward.

 

A lot of that came from my history as an immigrant refugee and from growing up with the message that hiding meant survival. Shame and inhibition were deeply ingrained. I learned to people‑please, overwork to make others feel okay, and split myself between wanting to be seen and being terrified of it.

 

Through my work with Rena K. and Organic Intelligence®-informed shame work that she does, I experienced something radically different. I felt real permission to follow the impulse to rest, to hide, to go slow, and to discover that kindness to myself is actually empowering. Instead of forcing myself, I learned to listen to my biology and its wisdom. Rest became intelligent, not lazy. My thresholds for being seen have grown so much that I can now show up, speak, write, and even enjoy being visible without that old shame spiral. If a little vulnerability chatter shows up, it’s just not that interesting anymore.

 

One of the most powerful things Rena ever said to me was “you are not a problem to be fixed.” She saw my wholeness. That orientation has changed everything. I feel more at ease in my own skin, more accepting of my body, more playful with my voice. The shifts often felt tiny and almost imperceptible in the moment, but the ripple effects are seismic. They have touched my parenting, my relationships with my family, and how I show up with clients and the community.

 

What surprises me most is how gentle and enjoyable the melting of shame has been. No pushing, no “gritting it out,” just creating the conditions for something softer and wiser to emerge. I feel full of gratitude and wonder that there is a way of being alive that feels good and naturally benefits others.”