I couldn’t move forward in my life…

I knew on some level that shame had really affected me all my life, but I didn’t fully understand it was a driving factor.

>> Below is a written summary of my conversation with a former JOY participant. Click here to watch the entire conversation.

Before joining Rena’s program, I knew on some level that shame had really affected me all my life, but I didn’t fully understand it was a driving factor—this huge iceberg of shame running my life. I kept doing all these nice practices and modalities, but shame was the big impediment, the boulder in the way.

 

I was living with depression, anxiety, and a deep inability to take steps on my own behalf. And I couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t move forward in life despite all my intentions and deep passionate desire for that. I didn’t even know the direction of where I wanted to go. Like I was really confused and deeply immobilized. I couldn’t move, couldn’t do, couldn’t think.

 

But inside there was so much energy, and it was completely submerged. There was a lot happening underneath, but on the surface, it was just stuckness, over and over.

 

And yet, from when I was young, I learned to push and override just enough to “fake it” and get by. And then I’d collapse in private—doom‑scrolling, crashing in bed for hours, masking at work while secretly in deep suffering.

 

Because when I’m also dealing with so much internal shame stuff, it’s not clear necessarily who’s going to be safe to reach out to and bring this forward. Sometimes I would kind of try a little bit, test the waters, and then would get shunned in some kind of way, or somehow wasn’t received in a compassionate way. And so, that would reinforce, it’s not safe. I can’t come to anyone.

 

When I came across Rena’s work and how she described shame—especially as a physiological process, not just a psychological one—it was like all the light bulbs went off. I realized, “This is a huge piece of my healing journey.” Her message felt like it was custom‑created for me. And I felt her holding the possibility of what could be. Some part of me knew I wasn’t just shame. What she was saying felt like truth in my bones, even before I could fully live it. I trusted that this was a path toward a life beyond just shame.

 

What’s different about this work is that it honors how our biological systems work and works with our biology instead of forcing it. Instead of “feel it to heal it,” or endlessly trying to get to the root and fix myself, this is about gently moving toward what feels better.

 

Over six months, one of the biggest shifts was actually feeling my system start to oscillate in a new way—out of the addiction to suffering and into more positive reinforcement. I began to learn how to ride my own waves, to be with what is instead of always running from it. My orientation has changed from “what’s coming for me that I must escape?” to “what do I want to experience?” I’m slowing things down, applying more ease, and my system is starting to respond with more ease—without me pushing for it.

 

Moments that were even just neutral or “okay” have become massive sources of respite and hope. They are like little drops in a different bucket, proof that there is more than pain. That orientation shift—from constantly trying to get away to actually going toward what I want—makes life worth living. I feel agency now: “Whoa, me? I can do things.” After being enveloped by something that wouldn’t let me take steps, that contrast is huge.

 

This work has also completely changed how I relate to myself and others. I get to experience kindness for myself first, then naturally want to give more to others. I don’t have to labor so hard just to feel okay; goodness can arise, and I can trust there will be more.

 

The group format, which I was initially anxious about (“Everyone else is better than I am,” “I’m too broken”), turned out to be one of the most important pieces. Rena held the container so gently and intentionally that not once did I feel shamed, unsafe, or “too much.” She seemed to sense our insecurities and quietly soothed them. The exercises never pushed us into overwhelming intensity; instead they created a field where we could get tiny drops of goodness, week after week.

 

If someone is considering this work, I’d tell them: this program is going to be very different from anything you’ve ever done. It gives you a chance to really connect with who you really are, to have new experiences with others that don’t involve shame, and to gently melt away shame that’s taken over so much of life. It’s a soft, safe, non‑overwhelming process; you get to see what emerges, and you are deeply held the whole way.

 

This work and Rena’s teaching mean so much to me that it’s hard to find words. I honestly believe it can change the world. I want to shout from the rooftops so that everyone who feels as stuck and ashamed as I did can know there’s another way.