Dare I say…”that was fun”?

I first heard about the JOY group from a friend who had done the course. She kept telling me how much it was helping her, and I could see the changes in her. Honestly, I argued with her at first. I grew up Catholic and really believed “shame has its place”—that you need shame to have a conscience. At the same time, I knew I was carrying this icky, slimy feeling of shame about my divorce, my kids, becoming an empty nester, my whole family situation. I felt like I always had to wear a mask and that I wasn’t quite myself. I didn’t want to join, but watching my friend change so much made me think, “If this can help her, maybe I should try it.”

 

From the very beginning, what I loved about Rena’s class is that she makes it real. It’s not some theoretical thing you play with in your head. All the exercises have been so gentle and relatable to my actual life. And whenever I asked questions, she answered in a way I could really understand as a layperson. Every week, I could count on class being there, and every time I went I felt lighter. I’d often think afterwards, “Dare I say… that was fun?”

 

Over time, my relationship with shame has completely shifted. I used to feel stuck, heavy, and responsible for things that weren’t all mine to carry. Now I see shame much more as something happening in my nervous system and biology than as a moral necessity I’m supposed to hold onto. I don’t want to keep dragging it around.

 

If I had to put a number on it, my “shame number” used to be about a six or seven. Now it’s about a two or three. And honestly, even that might be too much. Shame still shows up occasionally, but it doesn’t run my life anymore. It feels like I’ve been able to put down a huge weight I’d been dragging uphill for years.

 

I feel more grounded in my body and more centered. It’s easier to let things go that I would have reacted to before. I trust myself more around other people, I don’t feel like I have to over‑prepare or impress, and I’m discovering that simple rest and pleasure actually matter. I’m learning to listen to my own signals and to see all those “you should…” messages as a kind of violence toward myself that I don’t have to buy into.

 

Now I feel genuinely happy with where I am, enjoying learning who I am, and I really do feel like I’m on a “journey of me.” Everybody has shame, and for most of us it interferes with how we live and relate. This work has helped my nervous system, my relationships, and my everyday life. I’m so glad I joined—even after resisting it at first—because for me, it’s been life changing.